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bookfever's journal
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bookfever's Journal  I wish the hours worked go by quickly. I'm tired and sick of the kids, their attitudes, and their faces (most of them, anyway). (Sigh) is indeed the apt feeling that is hovering in the air. It's less humid in Houston today; a bit cooler because of the light rain showers late last night. As I was driving this morning, I was thinking about what Yaz and I talked about last night. The London trip. The more I think about it, the more I feel different and, in a way, better about myself. The hardship I went through my first year of teaching. The sweat and tears. Frustration and bitterness toward life. And loneliness. Another day. Let's just get through with it. I'll make it a happy day. Reminiscing on good memories and laughs. Thanking those who help me each day to deal with to-day. Is there some meaning in the past? I know I take something from the past. It transforms me. Part of me is tired of seeking meaning in the past; it almost sounds like I can't let it go--whatever "it" is. If I am indifferent to the past, what kind of a person am I? Sigh. This is probably a sign that spring fever is at its record highs. Current mood:  sleepy.
Now that TAKS is over, I can at least breathe a little. The kids are in their spring fever mania and I'm trying to hold out for these last 4 weeks and 4 days of my dreaded first year. There's a change, the kind that feels lighter than feathers. I don't know how it came to be. My best guess would be that TAKS is over now, the big pressure has been lifted and I can breathe a bit easier. The I-don't-care attitude is starting to take over. I'm tired of participating in the stupid games that kids play in my class. I'm fed up with all their excuses and foolishness. Yet, with all of these happening every day not just to me but other teachers in our community as well, our AP isn't doing a decent job on discipline nor consequence. The other SLCs are noticing that the Magnet community is getting out of hand--We are a Magnet group. Students in this community shouldn't be acting up. They have brains and full-blown attitudes...I'm really just sick and tired of their being. I would miss the good kids, though. Those who had helped me along the way and know that they feel helpless to take a stand in my position because it seems that it isn't the norm to defend the teacher in charge. Even though I didn't very much enjoy the group of kids I have, I renewed my contract for next year. This just goes to say that I am not through with God's calling. Not yet, in the meantime. I hope my second year is better and less stressful. But, I'm not holding out too much hope or wishful thinking. I've turned to other hobbies which can be pathways to new careers. Cooking. Writing. More writing. Reading. Poetry. Baseball. Go Astros! Current mood:  stressed.
Your Boobies' Names Are: Bert and Ernie How ya doin' Bert? Ernie? Melody, I'm sure my future hubby will appreciate them too. Yes, I finally came back to Austin this weekend. I arrived Saturday afternoon and stayed over at Yazmin's place. I felt at ease and at home here in Austin. Saturday night we saw Panza Monologues at Tillery Theatre at 8 pm. We sort of got lost but eventually found our way in the dark streets and rainy weather. The show was awesome! It was hilarious. Patterned after Vagina Monologues, the Panza Monologues hailed the belly, from where life springs forth. Then, I met one of her LIS friends. Gave me hopes up in applying for LIS graduate degree in a few years...once I've saved money and feel ready for a career change. Awesome night, that Saturday night. Sunday morning...I slept in and didn't wake up until a little past 10. We, well, I, wanted to see this foreign flick, "Testosterone" playing at the Dobie Theatre. Sumptin' about the name... Anyway, Yazzi has some of her friends over in town this weekend also. We met up at the Theatre. Her friends, Mani and Joe, thought we set them up for a mean joke. The movie itself was about two gay men. The rest is history. But, they were real cool about seeing the movie with us. Later, we met up at Mozart's to chill for a bit. I felt really good about all of this. We found a nice place upstairs overlooking the Lake. But, before we got to Mozart's, Yazzi and I couldn't find her car in the garage. It was hilarious. We checked each level but missed 4A. Eventually, we found the car and headed to Mozart's. At Mozart's...introductions. Discussion of the movie. About ourselves. Neat stuff. I wished the night didn't have to end soon. Went home and wrote in my journal about Saturday and Sunday. Checked my email and got a surprise reply back from a so-and-so. Updated me on passing the bar and being sworn in as a Texas lawyer and plus...the day of his sworn in date was his 27th birthday. "What a day," quoted so-and-so. Monday morning...Yazzi dropped me off near Einstein's Bagels. Only to find out a few minutes after I crossed the street that I don't have my cell phone in my pocket. It must've fallen in her car during the drive to work. I hope it's in her car. So, with the rain and no cell phone, I tried logging in from the UGL stations. I couldn't log in. Well, where could I go from here? Aha, the Law Lab. And, this is where I spent the whole day chatting away, catching up with Rich and former proctors about teaching and how much I miss working at this place. I was able to get ahold of Yaz by email this morning by using labman. She checked her email and replied soon. Decided to meet at Parlin around 8:30ish. During the time I was hanging around in the lab, I tried contacting Dr. Shiring but to no luck. Again, tried this afternoon, no luck. I had planned to visit her. Anyway, I felt at home here at the Law lab. Cool place to work at and it just seemed like good ole times. I'm dreading the ride back home tomorrow morning. The weekend went by quickly! But, I am looking forward to seeing my parents and sister Tuesday afternoon. Not so much on grading papers. What the heck. I had a great time here in A-town. I'm planning to come up again before Christmas. I better put my cell phone in my purse. I'll be back very soon, A-town. Thanks everyone for having me this weekend. The first time I set foot in Austin was during freshman orientation. I was a nervous wreck and had my doubts about being a longhorn. UT wasn't my first choice; Baylor was. But, it's tuition was way too much for me to keep up with even for the first year. So, I decided to attend the University of Texas at Austin. Year after year, I had my doubts still about staying in Austin. My family lives in Houston while I tried to maintain sanity and bravery. Yes, I cried almost every night during the first semester, missing my family and friends so much. Even though my parents visited me every two weeks, I still cried and more homesick than ever. I didn't think I'd get through the first year but I did. I also got through the second, third, and so on years. Along the way, I met acquaintances who became my best and close friends. There were college guys, even frat boys, whom I had a silly crush on. Also, there were TAs...I won't comment on this one. Then, come the worst year. That's all I'll say on this topic. Finally, I met someone whom I tried very much not to get attached to. I did, of course, somehow after the last class day of my senior year. Again, I won't comment much on this particular "subject." It would be difficult to re-live those "moments." All I would say that I miss this person in a weird way. Now, I'm going to take on a full-time teaching position in Houston. I'm nervous, uncertained. Worried. I know that I just have to get through things one day at a time. Tomorrow might never come. I know that for sure. I've lots of advice from my teacher friends about what to do on the first day. They also told me not to worry myself to death (I never seem to listen) about how I would teach the curriculum, that I'll have a mentor in the school and a TxBESS mentor from HISD, that I'm not alone in this. I really just want to get through this hump and move forward to the next step. If I want to fulfill my dream of becoming a librarian or someone involved with the book business, then I'll have to pass over this hump in order to gain experience and confidence in myself. Sigh. I just have to do it. So long, Austin. But, I'll be back very soon. Current mood:  optimistic.
As if the years I was in college weren't enough to prepare me for the real-world...a job offer was on its way hours after I had lunch from the dreaded second interview. A school that I didn't expect to hire me at all offered me a teaching position for the school year - a seventh-grade position. Since I dreaded that interview, I didn't want to accept the offer but I needed a job. I wasn't aware of the fact that at this point in my life, right after graduation, my focus was to secure a job. It wasn't easy for me to drive back (well, actually, my dad drove since I almost died from an ordeal I choose not to talk about) and forth in the rain and in the Texas summer heat (hey, that's redundant). In the end (actually, the next day after the offer), I decided to accept the job. Of course, before the decision, I vented out with several friends over the phone about my insecurities and doubts as a teacher. Next week, I begin the new teacher orientation and prep for the 7th grade classes. I'm stressing over what I need to do for the first few weeks already! Sometimes I feel that people just tune out after a hundred times of my complaining and venting. I apologize. One good advice from my former roomie: take the job even if you think it might suck - you can always apply for an internal transfer midway through or within a year. Once a better offer opens up, transfer. Yep, she really has a very valuable point here. You can say that her advice was the deciding factor as well. I'm sure things will turn out fine. Who knows, I might end up liking it at Welch MS. It's also ironic that Welch is the name of the school I'll be teaching at because back in college, I detested passing through the chemistry building, so-called Welch. I guess, things do happen for good reasons, though we don't know of them yet or at all. I'll just have to offer my life to God and do the best I can with the situation. I'll terribly miss my good friends in Austin! My literary scaffold, I'll miss her so much and our coffee dates. My emotional and spiritual supports, two of them I've lived with for two years, the other for a year. They had made my life in Austin one I can call my second home. I'll also miss the one up in Plano, one who would drive to wherever I was just to see me, say hi, or listen to me vent. Good times. Yes, Yaz, Summer 2004 is a good one. I look forward to having another unforgettable summer! Current mood:  nostalgic.
Last week, I had not just one scheduled interview but also one unexpected interview as well. I was glad for the opportunity, of course. I have hopes that this unexpected interview will turn into a job offer, one that's the right one for me and one that my heart desires. I enjoyed speaking with the principal and appreciated the warm welcome of the receptionist of this particular school. I'm crossing my fingers and praying lots that this is the right job that I've been waiting for. Anyway, there is another interview at another school, one that I would also like to work at, this coming Friday, 7/23. It's a reading position which I feel not well-trained for but I'll give it a shot! So, before Wednesday of this week, I will have (hopefully) finished reading another book about teaching reading in middle school. I will be reading from front to back, non-stop starting today. Well, it's hard knowing what tomorrow brings. Even what the next half hour would bring! This is a test of patience and faith, I guess. Current mood: hopeful.
As usual. Let's see...ummm. There's Dan Brown's "The Da Vinci Code;" an anthology called "Spoon River Anthology;" classic e-texts; tons of poetry from nature to the sensual; and, yes, Shakespeare's plays and sonnets. Only 27 minutes left for today. Off to Houston pretty soon. Current mood:  accomplished.
Another warm day... Oh, yeah, good morning! Another day of busy-ness: staring at the ceiling, putting up with people's crap, waiting for good news... Not used to waking up this early so excuse the pessimism. Maybe, I'll feel optimistic as the day gets warmer and sunnier? Well, have a good day the rest of you. Current mood:  lethargic.
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